Sometimes I over-think things. Sometimes I notice things that I would never normally notice. Today I had one of those moments.
For some reason, I have held onto all of my painting attempts at self-portraits from art school a few years back. I really dislike every single one, as none of them really look like me (more like, some kind of relatives?), even though they progressively got better over time. Well, slightly better, at least. And yet, I kept them, stuffed into the back of a closet. Until today, when I needed a board to paint on: a painting that represents how I have grown this past little while and where I am now, as I look towards a new chapter in the story of my life*.
And so, I painted over the image of my past self to create a white blank slate to go over. While I was doing this I couldn't help but think about how symbolic this whole process was. I don't need to hold onto these past ideas of myself and my past dreams if they are no longer working for me. That is not to say that my experiences haven't brought me to where I am today and are no longer important: the original paintings of myself still lay beneath the surface of where I want to go now.
Acknowledging that which you have done in previous times, and using it as a fortification for the future, all while realizing that you don't need to stay stuck in the past is the mark of progress and development. And all during my process of covering over the faces of what I used to be, may still somewhat be, and ultimately have had a hand in shaping what will come, I thought about how constructive and therapeutic this was for me.
I know I sometimes scoff at the idea of romanticizing ideas and moments and things to the extreme, and yet, I couldn't help but notice the poetry of it all.
* And now I have a One Direction song stuck in my head...